This is Me.
Honoring myself, as I introduce who I am.
I have decided to write stories from my internal and external travels, because I realize we need more people living life of the fringes of society, to share stories based on what it is to truly live. My hope is that in you reading what I share, you all may be inspired to live your best life, in whatever way that looks to you.
So here I go, with a short introduction to who I am.
I am attracted to anything novel.
I used to think this desire for newness, or the absurd or bizarre, was purely a trauma response. I think much of this drive has definitely been informed by my desire to flee. I wanted to get away from the pain of being fully present and the feelings of shame and low self worth that would haunt me. Seeking novelty was a great distraction. However, after years of therapy, coaching, spiritual healing and exploration, I see that I also gravitate towards feeling into what was previously unknown, and wanting my world around me, to continue to help me learn more of what I was previously ignorant of.
I like the sensation of my body being infused by the energy of wonder, going off the edge of my flat earth, and realizing it is round! Discovering these new dimensions to life, keep me realizing life is wonderful.
My curiosity always trumps my fear, and I am compelled to see what else lies ahead.
Even when I am particularly depressed (which has been a very common experience in my life), I have never gotten around to killing myself, as I want to see what will happen next. Even if I think things will get far worse, I STILL want to witness it, and have the full depth of experience.
I want experiences, with new perspective and insight.
To the absolute confusion of those observing me, I seek to re-investigate the outwardly same patterns of experience, to see if they may shift or transform, and a new outcome could occur. To others this may appear like repeating the same process, over and over again. This has led me to have a lot of disappointment and pain, but also to gain a lot of awareness and wisdom about experiences most people seriously avoid having.
I have chosen this.
I guess you could say I am a masochist.
This is me, and I am willing to try to love myself.
My life is colorful, neurotic, painful, adventurous, messy, vulnerable, chaotic, beautiful, and often makes me look pathetic, to those standing on the sidelines.
This journey toward fully embracing who and how I am, has been a hard and incredible road. I feel honored to be sharing my memories and current experience, all in the present tense, with you!
Thank you for reading!
